⚖️How does balance within my life create opportunities?⚖️

If you’re wondering how well this project went for me, let me sum it up for you in one sentence:

I am incapable of standing on one leg for an extended amount of time.

Anywho, in Personal Growth Plan (PGP) aka “Careers: The PLP Edition”,  we have reflected on two self-help books: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (which we read last year), and more recently, Atomic Habits by James Clear. We have also practiced Positive Brain training exercises in order to increase happiness in our lives, as inspired by a TedTalk titled The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor.

🌱7 Habits:

We reviewed the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, which as I mentioned, was a self-help book we read the year prior.

The 7 Habits include:

1. Be Proactive
2. Begin With the End in Mind
3. Think First Things First
4. Think Win-Win
5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
6. Synergize
7. Sharpen the Saw

Since I have already thoroughly covered this topic on my blog, I’m not going to go too in depth this time around. If you’re interested in learning more, feel free to check out my past summative post on the project!

⚛️Atomic Habits:

Source.

I love reading books about men telling me how I can achieve success when society has historically been structured towards the success of men.

If you couldn’t tell, personally, I don’t think Atomic Habits by James Clear was for me. I found it hard to respect what the author had to say the more I read the book, and the author’s ideas felt very forced and restrictive. It had some interesting ideas backed up by various studies and experiences. However, I had difficulty liking the book and I didn’t agree with everything it had to say. I think I would possibly enjoy reading a self-help book written by a more diverse or relatable author, simply because I felt a large disconnect in connecting to and understanding what James Clear had to say. Maybe it’s just because I’m a teenager and I hate listening to what adults tell me to do, because of course I do. (It’s NOT a phase, mom!)

I felt as though the tone of Atomic Habits was a bit condescending, especially compared to the 7 Habits. Part of that is just it’s in my nature to be very cynical when a certain thought process or structure of thinking is being enforced upon me. I don’t think I learned much from reading the book, as most of my learning came from the reflection and building of my own thoughts afterwards. Though, that may have been because I was less willing to give it as much lenience as I had towards the 7 Habits. The stories and examples of studies were insightful and I enjoyed reading those parts. However, it felt like the author was trying hard to sound clever, ultimately coming off as condescending. This made it really hard for me to click with what he was saying.

Regarding my plan for completion of the book, I initially wanted to read a chapter a day. However, I found that this was not feasible for me, since I didn’t always have capacity or time to read a chapter daily, and I often found I was behind on my schedule. Additionally, I found that when I did have the time, I wanted to read more than one chapter. Due to this, I adjusted my reading schedule a couple weeks in to instead read 7 chapters a week in one sitting instead of a chapter daily. This worked much more effectively for my own personal needs.

Atomic Habits introduced 4 laws of making a good habit. This included:

• The 1st law (Cue): Make it Obvious.
• The 2nd law (Craving): Make it Attractive.
• The 3rd law (Response): Make it Easy.
• The 4th law (Reward): Make it Satisfying.

Early in his book, James Clear started with a rather obvious fact, but what also eventually seemed to be an ongoing theme. He says, “The difference a tiny improvement can make over time is astounding. Here’s how the math works out: if you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done. Conversely, if you get 1 percent worse each day for one year, you’ll decline nearly down to zero.”

I honestly initially thought this remark was rather obvious, and couldn’t really take the “math” seriously. (Thanks, Captain Obvious.) However, as I progressed through his work, I recognized that delayed returns and long term improvement was part of the main argument of Atomic Habits.

1️⃣ Making it Obvious

This law argues that the cues in one’s environment often shapes their behaviour. Often, different behaviours tend to happen under certain different environmental conditions. I found this to be true for myself. I have lived in many different households within my life, and I found my lifestyle and behaviour differed in each one.

Here’s a habit implementation strategy:

• “I will [BEHAVIOUR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].”

This strategy relies on cues to trigger habits, especially making them easily accessible. Clear also recommends trying habit stacking; connecting a habit that is already routine with a newer, connected habit.

Here’s an example:

• “After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].”

2️⃣ Making it Attractive

Clear describes habits as a “dopamine-driven feedback loop”. It is explained that dopamine, a neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure also releases during anticipation. In Clear’s words, “It is the anticipation of a reward – not the fulfillment of it – that gets us to take action.” While this can contribute to many bad habits (my unhealthy attachment to icecream), this can also be advantageous with a habit stacking + temptation technique:

• “After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [HABIT I NEED].”
• “After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT].”

Chapter 9 of Atomic Habits discusses the influence people within one’s social circle has on their habits, due to human nature and our tendency to imitate the habits of three specific groups:

• The close
• The many
• The powerful

As I read on this topic, I found that I saw this in myself. I have unconsciously surrounded myself with likeminded peers, and over time, I have certainly imitated some of their habits without realizing. What utterly irresistable, attractive behaviours my friends have.

3️⃣ Making it Easy

I read this excerpt from Atomic Habits while the majority of my class went on a trip to Florida I could not go on. I refuse to believe it was a coincidence.

The most valuable advice I took away from this law was the two-minute rule. However, it wasn’t a rule I had first heard from James Clear, as I was already familiar with it.

In actuality, I completely hate this rule. Why?

It works.

It works weirdly well.

I’m the type of person where when I start a task telling myself I’ll do it for a minute or two, I’ll end up working on it for much longer than planned since I dislike leaving tasks partially done. Clear explained that starting a new habit should begin with a task you can do in less than 2 minutes, in order to make the habit as easy as you can starting out. This encourages the beginning of a routine or ritual, and was described slightly differently than I am used to hearing the two-minute rule being described. Usually, I utilize this technique to force myself to complete a task I have little to no motivation for.

However, instead of just the completion of the task, this strategy is suggested as a method to start a routine without it seeming overbearing, which I found valuable.

4️⃣ Making it Satisfying

Clear suggests habit tracking as a way of encouraging yourself to stick with good habits. I experienced this when checking off my Daily review, for our recent Maker project.

Here’s Clear’s Habit stacking + Habit tracking formula:

• “After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [TRACK MY HABIT].”

Clear also explains, “to get a habit to stick you need to feel immediately successful – even if it’s just in a small way”. This explained why I often had struggles maintaining habits with delayed returns, as opposed to habits with immediate rewards. Finding a way to make a habit feel successful or satisfying increases the likelihood of that habit being repeated.

🧠Positive Brain Training:

We also watched a TedTalk by Shawn Achor. In actuality, we did this during Humanities as a note-taking exercise, but I felt it was more relevant to mention in the context of PGP.

The first time we watched his TedTalk, I thought it was pretty clever and funny. The second time, it was a little less funny, and I observed more about the context of the speech. After the third and fourth time, I was festering a deep hatred for the man. I’m fairly certain I was able to recite most of his speech word for word after that point. His jokes got really old really fast, and I found myself irritated at how long he took to get to the point after repeated viewings of his speech. (However, I am guilty of the same thing, especially with my blog posts.)

The most interesting point I took away from listening to him was that we don’t have to put happiness past the barrier of success. I personally seek recognition and validation from people in my life, even if I don’t always consciously realize it. My brain tends to think that in order to receive this, I need to be successful first in order to be happy, though Achor explained that this is not the case. I think that I tend to try too hard to positively influence what others think of me (I’m secretly a people-pleaser at heart), and I have realized I don’t need to adhere to other people’s idea of success for myself in order to be happy.

I was very impressed by Achor’s speaking skills, even more so than I was impressed by the actual content he was presenting. He knew how to draw in an audience, and make himself seem relatable. He was literally psychologically manipulating his audience, and I was all for it.

Achor also suggested certain strategies in order to help us achieve happiness in the present. This includes:

• meditation
• conscious act of kindess
• exercise
• journalling
• 3 gratitudes

In class, we practiced mindfulness activities daily. When I say daily, I really mean when we actually remembered and had the class time to complete it. Each day of the week would have a different type of activity – linked to Achor’s suggested strategies.

As the weeks went by, I found that journalling came very naturally to me, including the mandatory reflections after each activity. However, the exercise activities were much harder. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy physical activity, but I found that only certain activities (specifically the walks we took outdoors) truly clicked with me.

💭My Thoughts:

In my opinion, this is a very individual and subjective question to answer. If there is anything I have learned from enduring two self-help books, and practicing positive brain training, it is that what helps one individual might not be what helps another.

We all have underlying motives for each of our habits and actions – oftentimes tying back to human survival needs, whether we are aware of it or not. However, I believe that finding what processes, actions, and habits work towards building balance in one’s life is a journey that is different for everyone. My biggest problem with self-help books is that I am a firm believer that there is no one set way of achieving success, and listening to advice from successful people isn’t necessarily the only way to work towards balance and productivity.

I think that being able to build an understanding of self to create balance in one’s life not only creates the opportunity to live a happier, less stressful life, but also aids in allowing a person to live a fulfilling life.

Having a fulfilling life doesn’t necessarily mean to be the most successful one could possibly be, but instead to develop a mastery upon oneself that allows one to prioritize the things that personally matter to them in life.

Through learning to subconsciously and automatically complete necessary behaviours in life, we begin to have the chance to enjoy the parts of life that matter.